I've recently begun to realize that I have a very hard time worshipping anywhere but in my own house, when I'm reading my Bible alone, or praying alone. At my church, at someone else's church, listening to worship music in my car, devotionals at school, or weekday small groups, my heart's just not in it. This is a very bad thing. In my current state I am only opening myself up to worship when I'm alone with Jesus. When I am reading my Bible and my Beth Moore book in the morning I feel refreshed and close to Him. But when I am sitting in church I feel bored and grumpy and like a barrier has come up between me and Jesus. I close myself up because I feel too vulnerable when I'm worshipping with other people. I don't feel engaged or excited to hear a new message about Him. I'm just counting the minutes until church is over and we can leave for lunch. This is a very bad thing. And I know it's a bad thing because Jesus has brought it to my attention and told me, "This isn't good. We need to work on this." Now that I recognize it I need to address it. So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to pray and ask Jesus to please, please turn my heart into a heart that is receptive to every message He has for it. No matter when or where that message comes from. No matter who I'm with when that message comes. I'm going to pray before every church service that the message I hear in that sermon or in that Sabbath school class will be effective in my heart and that I will be open to worship even if it does make me feel vulnerable. I'm going to (try and remember to) pray before every small group, school devotional, or worship song that I will receive a word from it. Not hear a word, but receive a word.
And I believe Jesus will answer these prayers. I believe He will work in my heart and change it for the better. I believe He will make my heart more like His. And I believe some of the ways He will speak to my heart will be through my summer Bible commitments. This summer I am going to read through the whole Bible in the Message translation by Eugene Peterson, and I am going to work through Kelly Minter's Nehemiah study along with many of my friends from school and church. I believe Jesus is telling me that He is going to work in me through these two studies this summer. I am so hopeful.
"Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness." Psalm 29:2
"Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker." Psalm 95:6
