Sunday, June 17, 2012

He Died For Them

Am I worth it? Are any of us worth it? I don't see how we could be.

Last week I started reading the book The Longest Day by Cornelius Ryan.  It is an eye-opening account of D-Day.  From the paratroopers dropped into different parts of Normandy at midnight to the last wave of soldiers dropped onto the beaches at the end of June 6, Ryan uses eye-witness accounts to tell us what happened that day. The book was written only about 15 years after D-Day and the accounts sound fresh and real. This was the first book I had ever read about D-Day.  This was the first time I learned pretty much anything about D-Day.  Before reading this book the only things I could have told you about D-Day would have been that it happened in France, there was a beach called Omaha, and a lot of soldiers died.  I was totally clueless to what really happened that day.  I didn't know anything about the paratroopers who were dropped up to 30 miles away from their targets into murky swamps that were impossible to climb out of.  I didn't know about the soldiers who had to stay cramped in their ships for 3 days, seasick and without any sleep, before being shoved out into chest high waters that were already red with blood.  I had no idea that the first wave of soldiers sent to Omaha beach were told before leaving the boat that their casualty rate would probably be around 90%. I had no idea. 
I read that book.  I googled maps showing the path the ships took to get to the Normandy beaches.  I saw on these maps which beaches were taken by American soldiers, which ones by British soldiers, and which ones by Canadian soldiers.  I talked with my parents about D-Day asking them lots of questions.  We watched Saving Private Ryan last night.  I just started reading a book by Stephen Ambrose called Citizen Soldier about the days following D-Day.
10,000 to 12,000 Allied soldiers were killed, captured, wounded, or went missing on D-Day. 1,465 American soldiers were killed on D-Day, 3,184 were wounded, 1,928 went missing, and 26 were captured.
And after watching Saving Private Ryan last night I asked Jesus, "How in the world are any of us worth that?" The soldiers that morning of D-Day knew they were probably not going to live to see the evening of D-Day. But they left the airplane, the boat, anyway. They fought and died so that we could love and live in peace today.  And I ask Jesus, "How are we worth that? We don't love.  We aren't peacemakers.  We are selfish, brutal, terrible people.  They fought for the generations to come. But we're here now and we're not that great." I ask Him this out of anger and grief.  And He says to me, "I thought you were worth it.  I thought you were worth coming into this world of selfishness, brutishness, and terror so that I could eventually bring You to live with me forever. I thought you were worth dying for.  It doesn't surprise Me that they too thought you were worth dying for."  So I sit here and I cry as I think of what they did for me 68 years ago and what He did for me 2,000 years ago.  And next week when I stand on the beaches, when I see and smell the ocean that was red with their blood 68 years ago, when I see their white gravestones, I will thank them and I will thank Jesus for dying for them before they had to die for me.
Thank You Jesus. 

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

He is Working In Me

I've recently begun to realize that I have a very hard time worshipping anywhere but in my own house, when I'm reading my Bible alone, or praying alone.  At my church, at someone else's church, listening to worship music in my car, devotionals at school, or weekday small groups, my heart's just not in it.  This is a very bad thing.  In my current state I am only opening myself up to worship when I'm alone with Jesus.  When I am reading my Bible and my Beth Moore book in the morning I feel refreshed and close to Him.  But when I am sitting in church I feel bored and grumpy and like a barrier has come up between me and Jesus.  I close myself up because I feel too vulnerable when I'm worshipping with other people.  I don't feel engaged or excited to hear a new message about Him.  I'm just counting the minutes until church is over and we can leave for lunch.  This is a very bad thing.  And I know it's a bad thing because Jesus has brought it to my attention and told me, "This isn't good.  We need to work on this."  Now that I recognize it I need to address it.  So this is what I'm going to do.  I'm going to pray and ask Jesus to please, please turn my heart into a heart that is receptive to every message He has for it.  No matter when or where that message comes from.  No matter who I'm with when that message comes.  I'm going to pray before every church service that the message I hear in that sermon or in that Sabbath school class will be effective in my heart and that I will be open to worship even if it does make me feel vulnerable. I'm going to (try and remember to) pray before every small group, school devotional, or worship song that I will receive a word from it.  Not hear a word, but receive a word.
And I believe Jesus will answer these prayers.  I believe He will work in my heart and change it for the better.  I believe He will make my heart more like His.  And I believe some of the ways He will speak to my heart will be through my summer Bible commitments. This summer I am going to read through the whole Bible in the Message translation by Eugene Peterson, and I am going to work through Kelly Minter's Nehemiah study along with many of my friends from school and church.  I believe Jesus is telling me that He is going to work in me through these two studies this summer. I am so hopeful.

"Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness." Psalm 29:2


"Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker."  Psalm 95:6