He is Constant

Even when my heart's not in it, His is. When I feel wretched and sinful He sees me as clean and shining. When I am reluctant and dispassionate He is encouraging and exciting. When I'm just plain tired He sits and comforts me. When I am discouraged and despondent He speaks life into me.
This last week every senior at my school graduated.  They presented and defended their Senior Theses, they attended their Baccalaureate, and then they graduated.  And at every stage of graduation week (or week and a half) people were looking at my class and saying, "That will be you guys next year."
I'm not ready to be a senior.  I'm not ready to have my last year with these classmates and teachers that I've been with since I was seven.  I'm not ready to choose a college.  I'm not ready to move away.  I'm not ready to choose a major.  I don't know what I want to be when I grow up!  This is what I've been bringing to Jesus lately.  I've been asking how such a dramatic, abrupt change as moving away and being on your own after 18 years of being a kid can be His plan for anyone.  So Jesus looks at me and tells me He is the only Constant I will ever have.  I believe it is His plan for me to move away and go to college and as full of change that lovely plan is I know that He will never change.  He will always be right there with me.  Next year when I am having my last Christmas program with my class and teachers, last devotions, last birthday party, last test, last project, last picnic I will look to Him and know that He and I will never have a last.  He is Omnipresent, Constant, and Sovereign and He will always take care of me.  And because I know these things about Jesus to be true I can relish all those "lasts" next year and not regret them.  I can celebrate them more than I mourn them.  I can laugh more than I cry.  I can embrace them because I know that I am safe in God's plan.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

"They will perish, but You remain; they will all wear out like a garment.  Like clothing You will change them and they will be discarded.  But You remain the same, and Your years will never end." Psalm 102: 26-27

He Is My Defender

Towards the end of April I began to get very scared about my Junior Thesis Defense that I knew was approaching. Panic and anxiety would sneak up on me until I completely dreaded the thought of it.  I didn't know how in the world I would be able to do it. So, in the first week of May I asked Jesus for a miracle.  I told Him, "I know what I'm about to ask for is a miracle but I believe You can do it so...please do it." I asked that He would miraculously take all fear, anxiety, and panic away from me and that He would not let Satan make me nervous about my Defense. Not then, not any day leading up to it, and not the day of my Defense.
It worked.  I have not felt fearful or panicky about my Defense since I asked for that miracle.  Amen and amen. Even these last two days as I've watched my classmates and the seniors give their Defenses I have not gotten scared.  If anything, watching them has been very encouraging because they have all done very well.  But the anticipation has been growing. I am giving my Defense tomorrow afternoon.  I am very last.  I didn't mind very much a couple days ago, but after two days of watching everyone else finish their Thesis journey for the year I would really like to finish mine too :)  When I think about finishing it tomorrow I don't feel panic like I did in April, but a few nerves are popping up here and there. But I am so grateful that's all there has been and I believe that's all there will be.
But can you see how understanding Jesus has been through all of this? He saw my fear and He saw how miserable I was so He did a miracle for me.  Soon after I prayed that prayer I saw this verse while flipping through my Bible.


"God, my strength, I am looking to you, because God is my defender." Psalm 59:9


And later I looked up this one too."For their Defender is strong; He will take up their case against you." Proverbs 23:11


He is my Defender, He is the Ultimate Defender so I ask that tomorrow He will help me defend my thesis.
~Rebecca

He Found Me

Last summer I got the crazy idea that I should read through the whole Bible in about 70 days. That meant reading 15 pages of the Bible a day.  Where in the world did I come up with this idea you may ask? That's easy.  Jesus.  I didn't know it at the time but Jesus was about to do something big in my heart. I have always been a Christian, I have always gone to church, and I have always prayed.  But an actual relationship with Jesus? Actually feeling His love and voice in my life? I didn't know what that was.  But last summer He decided all that was about to change.  I began my reading journey in late June and I finished the night before school started in August.  In those two months Jesus opened my eyes and awakened my heart.  And the result is, I love Him.  Genesis to Revelation He told me who He is and now I love Him because of who He is.  Now I have this drive, this need, to drink up His Word and discover more truths about Him every day. Some days though I allow other desires to cloud my desire for Him.  Most days actually.  But He never stops loving me and that's what it's all about.
Dara MaClean has a song called "Yours Forever".  I first heard it in October or November of last year and it made me stop and listen.  I loved it.  She sings, "Thank You for finding me when You did." It made my heart soar.  He found me.  This last year has been the hardest, most stressful year of my life. But it has also been the most beautiful because I love Jesus, and the hardship and stress drew my heart to His in so many ways.  And now, in these last few months, a new crazy idea has entered my mind.  A blog. SCARY.  Sharing my faith and my walk with Jesus for everyone I know to see? SCARY.  But I'm doing it and with His help I hope I can continue to do it. I want to speak boldly of Him.  I want to witness.  "So pray that I will keep on speaking boldly for Him, as I should" (Ephesians 6:20).

Yours Forever by Dara MaClean
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxzVRTI6cPc&ob=av2e

~Rebecca